Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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