and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize