Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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