You're a womanizer and a bitch.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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