Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
