Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
COCAINE IS GR8
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
