i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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