Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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