if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
