Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
