why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think i got beer on your cat.
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