I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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