That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize