and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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