It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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