I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am spending my child support on dildos
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
