If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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