You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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