My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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