I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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