Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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