just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
