so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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