i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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