I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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