its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
