It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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