i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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