Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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