I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
