What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize