I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
