he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize