If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
