the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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