That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I looked at my own cervix.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
