I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
