4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
