i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize