If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
