Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
