we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
