He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my liver is dry heaving
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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