like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
