I wish my penis had an off switch
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize