her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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