so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
