and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
