I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
