I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
