I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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