Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
