I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
