She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
