He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
