If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Princesses don't give blow jobs
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
