so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
