I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
