i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
