I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
