I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
