i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
