What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my shit smells like andre
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
