pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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