the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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