im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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