i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
