oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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