Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
