Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
