Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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