JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
