ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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