The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
