My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
