so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
