She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
