Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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