So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
