Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
