I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
