i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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