im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
