btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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