Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
