also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
