You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
