Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
