i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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