My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize