Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
