Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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