Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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