I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
