Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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