he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would ride that face into the sunset
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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