I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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