glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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