Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
