Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want to make out with him forever
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
