A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
