WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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