true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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